First of all,as I listen to the Country & Western Music on my PC,I must of course set the theme of this Tall Tale of the Wild West by introducing these my Timpo Toy Characters. So here we meet Side Winder Jack Bodean. Lawman New Mexico 1887.Years before as the story goes as a young toy Jack was captured and raised by Timpo Comanche Indians.They the Comanche taught him many things,and later he earned the name of Mean Hombre with pets that bite, from the Playmobil Apachies. Who were sworn enemies of nearly all the Indian Tribes. Later after many adventures he,that is Jack Bodean left the Indian way of playing and became some what of a Tuff Tumbleweed,who blew into town from nowhere special and in true Dandy & Beano fasion had a fight with the local Sheriff & knocked him clear into next week. Not only that,but he took the Job as Sheriff of Clearwater.
The dusty Southbound Stagecoach heading for Daisy Town,was held up by Timpo Outlaws ,and the money stolen along with all the Junk Mail from where ever. Jack Bodean headed out with his two Deputy`s.
One being,Jimmy Two Toes a Half-breed. His Father being a Timpo Cowboy and his Mother a Playmobil Cheyenne Indian girl. He lost three toes from his left foot when over cleaning his sawn off shotgun,and so the name Jimmy Two Toes. His real name, Jimmy No Name his Mother gave him,because she didn`t catch his Dads name in their brief encounter. Well you know what it`s like,Toys got muddled up overnight in one cardboard box and things just happened.
The other Deputy known as the Apple Puff Kid, because he just loved to eat Apple Turnovers, cakes with fresh Cream inside them. He even had his own Cow that was feed the best grass ever,and so gave nothing but the richest Cream!So the Puff Pastry and Apples were always on the Cook in his place which of course was the only Bakery in Clearwater. The thing about him most that people noticed was his ability to bump into and fall over things in plain sight,but there we do have it the Apple Puff Kid was very,and I mean very short sighted indeed. However he is a darn good man to have in a gunfight as long as you point him in the right direction and stand well behind him when the shooting starts.
Sheriff Bodean also took along his Special Trained Sniffer Snakes three,Sidewinders with Well Good Rattles and with such a Fearsome Bite!
" MMMMMMMMM! Just a little bit of gristle left in the eye socket ! "
After seeing and passing by many sights common with the playful condition the toys find themselves in they finally catch up with the Outlaw Gang. Well you knew they would.
Now it is well known that Timpo Outlaws are not violent like, say Crescent Mexican Bandits,and they always say please and thank you when robbing other toys . Very true they do have guns,but they are the worst shots ever and so no other toy figures are harmed in any way. The only exception to the rule is if some over playful child chews their head off.
Let us pick up on the story.
They are all well placed, and the Sniffer Sidewinders are quite eager to get into the action
The intrepid tumble weed Sheriff good old Sidewinder Jack Bodean shouts out!
" Give it up boys,And throw down those shootin irons, And step aside from that Wells Fargo Box!"
The Outlaw leader near the strongbox shouts back," Who`s out there?" This is dangerous Black Pepper Neddy Chillopeno. Always mad with a bad attitude due to him having constant toothache!"
"Is that you Ned ? "_____ " Who wants Ta Know?"______ "This is Sheriff Bodean and five Deputy`s. So Ned you best give up. Throw them guns down and step aside from that Strongbox!" _________ " Are you kidding Sheriff. It`s rather attached to my base as indeed I am."__________ " Well that might be Ned,but best you give up or were coming in shooting!"_________ " Theres seven of us Bodean,And you ant` got no five Deputys with Ya." _____________"Best you believe me Ned or we come a blasting!"________ " Ya Bodean ,at best you you`ve got that Jimmy Two Toes and that dippy short sighted Apple Puff Kid with Ya. Who couldn`t hit the side of a Barn even if it was in G Scale."
Above are the Baker Boys. Twins in an odd sort of way. They being born at the same time , but by different Mothers. Their Father being a keen man of faith a Morman with three wives. He cried real Timpo Tears when the boys were born at the same time and in the same room. Later he would cry worse Timpo Tears when the two boys turned bad,and stole all his money and his two prize wining horses that had been breed from the finest plastic Playmobil stock. Greys they were and very fast. The two boys disappeared into a cload of rustled dust. The last words their Father heard from them was," Yippy! We`re Free!" These two went from bad to worse and prefured back shooting rather than a close stand up front fight. They also had a wide yellow streak running down their backs. The worst Timpo Rejects that somehow had got past Quality Control.
This is Dizzy cross- eyed Mike Smith in front and his long term partner Marrion Bad Boy Crisp is behind him. These two bright sparks hoped to get Wed, so headed for Canada from New York City where they had been informed Gay Marriages were legal in Canada. So they stole two Mules that didn`t know the way, and instead of it getting colder and icy cold it actually became warmer .Then Blisteringly Hot! After five years and eight months on the trail they ended up in New Mexico Bare Foot and Mule-less, them being Ate by these two along with their Boots! They went futher bad by pretending to be Shoe-Shine Boys. Whereby they stole the local Sheriff and his Deputys Boots along with their horses. Who incidently did know the way to Canda,but failed to mention it. Eventually they became Gun Slingers and finally Timpo Outlaws,and joined up in Neddys Hole in The Floor Gang. _______________"Hey wait a minute an`t that Sheriff Bodean from Clearwater?"_______" Yip! the others all answered. Dizzy cross eyed Mike looked at his Partner and they both said at the same time, "That Tumbleweed of a Sheriff is Dangerous."____________" You best sight your eyeballs down your nose,then when this Ruckus starts you might well hit something. And! For Heavens Sake, Let go of Bad Boys hand."____ "OK! Ned!"
The last two guys in this Timpo Gang of Outlaws are to the left in the picture. They are Lee Bachmann in front with Henry Hornby in back of him. These two were once big in the Model Railway business, but because of cheap Chinese workers and goods coming in on the Disney, Woody Train Set they could not compete with the other Railroad so went Bust! So by doing what Fat Cat Business Men do,they grabed what Company assets there were and sold them off quick.
Then they robbed the Companys Payroll. However the large canvas bag bulging with money was not all what it seemed,because when opened it was full of Company I O U`s. The deed was done however so they became full time plastic style Outlaws. Funny really is the well known fact today that the money was indeed stolen by another Big Wig in the Company who believed in cutting corners and who fled to somewhere in England.
"Lee, Lee ain`t that the fellow with the Snakes?"_______ " Henry that's right. Mean bunch of Sidewinders at no mistake."_________ " Lee I heard tell of a fellow who got bit by them very same snakes in Daisy Town,"_______ No Henry that's just hearsay." _______ "But Lee I`ve seen that dusty old grave,and the Marker reads, ` This is the grave of a no named git who up and died when he got Bit.` Now Neddy on song,rings out a gruff defient Rebel Yell! " Come on Men! Show some Backbone will Ya?"________ " Oh. Ok Ned,but those Things are Special Trained Ya Know? Downloaded & Taught from ,WWW,How to Do It, Comanche War Path Tutorials.Com"
Within this little scene with itchy fingers on hair triggers, the Tension is Mounting!
The well known voice of the Sheriff of Clearwater Jack Bodean, sounds out. " Ned why on earth are you still wearing that Silly Neckerchief over your face? The Holdup is long over,and we all know what you look like"___________ One thing is dead certain ,Hot Tempered ,Black Pepper Neddy Chillopeno, didn`t like being on the Butt End of some Amusing Joke! ______________________
" Well it`s because of your friend that Sadist! Doc Holiday. He pulled out all my Teeth ,and I can still feel where his knees cut into my chest .Placed there he said ,Ta give him more Leverage, and Ta stop Me Flying Off the Chair. And Doc`s advice after pieces of my teeth were all over the floor,was for me to keep my Mouth Shut Tight or Cover It. On account he said, if Fatique sets into my Timpo Plastic, it could well be the cause of my Whole Complete Head Falling Off!"_________ Jimmy Two Toes could contain himself no longer and realising Doc was pulling Neddy`s leg as well as his teeth.Well he burst out in quite a forceful laughter! This was followed by Bodean and the Kid,who near broke his ribs from laughing. Such was the continuing laughter that the Kids Rifle went off with such a Resounding High Calibre Ka- Pow!This is followed by a great deal of noisy gun fire, all dead eye misses in every direction as everyone opens up with Timpo Lead!
After a short while of such giggling noisey fun,the welcome silence seems like music to little plastic ears.The time is nearing though for deciding just what to do? It is the Playmobil Rattle Snakes who have their hissing say about the answer to this question on everyones mind. " Send us in Jack,Send us in, We aint bit anyone since that mad Mex came at you with that left handled beer-mug in Daisy Town!" The Sheriff agreed, "No sense getting the boys shot up when I can send you egger guys in."
"I`ll give e`m one last chance to throw in the towel. "Neddy Chillopeno! Best you give up.Or I`ll send the Sniffers in."
"Yes,Yes Jack.Send us in. ( Hiss Lingo! ) We`ll soon finish this lot off real quick." _________
"Bodean if we give up ,how long in Jail for us this time?"___________
"O,I`d say at least a year and a day Ned. "__________
"How long off for good behaviour?"__________
" O, I`d say a year off Ned." Now Ned still nursing his painful tooth-less jaws is still thinking it over,when Dizzy cross eyed Mike Smith shouts out, " Do Ya, still feed your prisoners with those Tripple Bufalo Burgers ,Bodean ?" _________"Sure do,and with plenty of fried onion and magic mushrooms and plenty of chips too!" _________
" Shure, why Not? "
( Now it must be mentioned that eating magic mushrooms tend to make one a wee bit cross eyed but still able to see rather large peaceful, blurred floppy eared,Pink Bunnies bouncing around,but as far as Dizzy Cross Eyed Mike Smith is concerned it is the only time when he is not. Not What? Cross-Eyed! And the large Pink Bunnies he see`s are strangely not at all blurred! )
All the Outlaws agree. " Ok! We give up," says Ned,"But put them Sidewinders in a bag will ya?" ____"OK!" Needless to say really,those Sniffer`s are really Well Hissed Off,as they are bagged away safe.
So another successful Toy Hunt for the Timpo Lawman is chalked up." Come on guys lets get Beano Boy to put together the Playmobil Jail House." he says, as the last Hissed Off Sidewinder is bagged away.
Timpo Outlaws are always willing to serve at least one day in jail,because when let out for good behaviour it gives them plenty of time to have a few cool drinks in the Shortbranch Saloon,and mess around with the dance hall girls,before heading out to hold up the next Britains ,Toy Stage Coach heading West from Clearwater. As the Tumbleweed rolls upon a Dusty Breeze,this playful time comes to its END