Wednesday, 9 December 2015

The Romans & The White Tower ________ a rather tall tale by Beano Boy

 So Hop in Line Behind these Guys and Hear of this One.

Starring ,from the early1970`s,and with no expence spared. 
 The Bubble Gum Range of Figures, Romans one and all. 

The day was one of hot heat-waving activity,and the helmets got so hot that possibly a head could get cooked right through just by wearing one,but orders were orders so they stayed put on each legionaries hot little head. A head of plastic true,and so one that could not reason upon the subject of overcooking,or indeed even of one`s head reaching melting point under the glare of such a sun.

Eventually after a very long forced march the wooded area of Fiddle Wood could be seen quite blue upon the horizon about a mile and a half away. The pace quickened too,because the dusty roadway crossed the river at that point over a rickety wooden bridge where they now were. Soon hot plastic feet were cooling off,and the cooking pots that were once upon their heads made the water Hiss,as each was dip-filled with water. "Gosh! That Feels Good!" They all agreed as the water was poured out upon their near melted heads. A spear was stuck into the ground and the shadow as it would turn would show the time well. 
"10 Minutes lads by the shadow,and then onwards to Fiddle Wood,and the cool wood and the Prize! Beano Boy`s White Tower."  As their heads and feet began to harden and reshape as was normal for 43 year old plastic, each Legionary raised a cheer. "HOORAH!"

As that shadow dictated soon they were two abreast and marching again ,but the water from the River Wensum  had some what refreshed them all,and the quick march with every step made to it the blue of the wood turn gradually into a collage collection of green. Soon the first few tree`s were witness to all those marching feet,as they passed by. Every leaf evergreen or otherwise whispered to each other in the cooling breeze, "romans." ( Of course most cannot understand the whisper of certain tree`s,but the translator on my PC is pretty darn good and is well up to scratch. So there we have it. )

"Keep a steady line lads,and look to your front. We are nearly there. Soon there will be a hog roast and some beer to chew up and guzzle down."____ Some of the Romans feeling ill at ease were muttering," What if there`s a fight for this place?"__"Then we`ll eat and guzzle down later." Others were laughing out aloud."

Ever onwards through the wood,and the first of the Roman picket lines was passed. "How goes it lads.Do we hold the White Tower?"__ "We do Sir." was the reply. "HOORAH!" Rang out all along the entire moving plastic line ,until faintly disappearing  amoungst the whispering tree`s.
The crafty Black Birds, (all of a Twitter ,long before there was such a THING!), thought well upon the subject of food,and waited until all those tramping feet had fetched up the fattest  of juicy worms,and then swooping down had a guzzle of their own to feast well upon.


"He,He ! It`s them. The relief column has arrived."____" Look at that.All painted up too."____" Unlike that Cabbage Patch incident."____ " Caesar will be so Pleased!"
As they race down to greet their brave fellows. "HOORAH"  the guards all declared.

The White Tower,long before Beano Boy gave it a colour wash finally came into view.

                                                 The Assault on the Tower

 Now it was a clandestine  operation carried out in the utmost secrecy . Meaning everyone knew about it throughout the Empire,except the fools due to carry it out.
Two intrepid men their paint hardly dry,scaled the back of the tower at night with ladder ,rope and grappling hook,until finally reaching the sharp flint battlements high above.Apart from the hooting Owl,everything seemed  very strange quiet indeed,and after shifting around the battlement twice,they noted no sentries at all.So they scarpered quickly down the turning stone stairwell that made them quite giddy dizzy by the time they reached the ground level. After taking a good deep well earned breath,or two,it was then they realised with a "Gasp!" That BB, had not even bothered to place a door into this place. The solid doorway of arched stone was completely wide open to the elements,and any who had a wish to enter it.  Just inside the entrance was a small wooden box,marked entrance fee 50 pence children free. It was half hanging from the wall on one rusty nail_____and empty.

"We`ll not bother to mention this fact if asked."____ " Agreed,We will tell of the Garrison of 50 or more dashing away screaming so fast that they smashed the door to pieces in  their hurried way to get out."____"That's Good,and in turn we burn`t the shattered remains to cook up a sausage  or three during the night,HOORAH!"  Those that were supposed to rush into the place crazy- like once the door had been flung opened agreed that this would be good for their credit,to have the same splendid story to spin.

 See Romans can reason these things out without to much help from me. However I must try and remember where i put that Oak Door!

At long last they all arrive safe and well,except for a few hundred watery blisters.

With spite upon the white hot greasy turn,the smell of hog roast drifted along the line,and soon every revived plastic Taste Bud went into Action. Starvation is not a pleasant thing especially when having to March for Yonks  on only one Weetabix per Legionary for breakfast.

The entire Cast: the Bubble Gum Figures from 1973. A couple of eyes need spotting.

The last few words from them. " It was a Good Slap Up Feed  BB,and with not  a Cabbage in sight. HOORAH!"


 With the arrival of Julius Caesar, their daring  deeds got noticed,and the thumbs up approval for promotion.They were all made up to a Special Recon Squadron, a Cutting Edge Unit to operate deep behind the enemy  lines. Upon hearing this news all their plastic teeth began to chatter nervously together in share fright. And a certain two wished they were still guarding that Cabbage Patch,upon BB`s other table.  



  1. Fantastic story, and a bit jealous about this Romain army :-)
    Nice to see these fantastic figures painted this time, you have done a great job!

    Greetings from another Asterix mad guy.

  2. Hi Remco, thanks for looking in buddy,and for your comment too. I feel i found my feet along with You and Benno,on Benno`s Figures Forum. It gave me confidence to proceed in other directions here on my little slice of the Internet. Remember we Benno-knights are all kindred spirit? As for being an Asterix Fan like yourself. I tried to be normal once. It was the worst 30 seconds of my life.
    So long for now.See you on the Forum.
    From a Windswept Wet,and Stormy Cold Fiddle Wood here in Norwich United Kingdom. A shivering BB

  3. They look superb, splendid photos!

  4. Thanks Phil,for commenting. The Pictures are quite old,and were taken a couple of years ago. I should re-shoot using my better camera`s, but setting things up takes time. A something i am rather short of these days. However I am now sharing photo`s from my own stash on file. Along with a few tall tales. BB

  5. Replies
    1. Hi Michal,i was taking a wounder along some earlier posts of mine and i had to correct a couple of spelling mistakes. So you got to see the Bubble Gum Gang of Romans,plus Henry`s White 8 sided Tower. Very glad you liked it,and thank you for commenting. BB